14 PAIRS OF SHOES + 1

So we're booked to go on a cruise, now the panic sets in. How do we tell the men? Will they even want to go? What do we do if they don't? What do we pack? Do we dress for dinner? What about tipping? The questions just kept coming. 

Back in the olden days, ten or so years ago, there wasn't so much information out there. Where were all those great Facebook groups with all the answers? Even if there were internet sites who knew how to find them back then, not us! If you spoke to a travel agent they had to look up the answers, most of them had never been on a cruise ship. So we had to wing it. 

OK first obstacle, the men, we just won't tell them. Bit difficult you think? Not for a pair of sneaky girls like us 😜. We made it all the way to the wharf before they found out. Not a bad effort considering we had to fly to Sydney, with enough luggage to sink the ship, spend a night and day in the Harbour City, then finally check in at the wharf in Darling Harbour.

How did we achieve this awesome feat you ask? Well the men were under the impression that we had won a trip to stay in a winery in the Hunter Valley and that we were going to spend some time in Sydney taking in a show, Pricilla Queen of the Desert. Great show by the way, highly recommend. We spoke to the hotel concierge and arranged for our luggage to be stored, then transported to the cruise terminal, while we took the men out to brunch (we had a big night after Pricilla) in Darling Harbour the day of the cruise. 

Spent a few memorable hours exploring the harbour and sipping wine at waterside restaurants while admiring a huge boat (yes I know it's not a boat it's a ship, apologies again), the Pacific Sun, docked in the harbour. Yep that's right, we started our cruise addiction with P&O on the Fun Ships! But more about that later. Now we had to get the men to the big boat (apologies again and again). "Hey guys, what do you think about an afternoon cruise on the harbour, sound good?" Well that's how we got them to the cruise terminal, they were totally blown away! 

But let's back up a bit, before we headed up to Sydney for our 10 days in paradise we had to pack the dreaded bags! For anyone who is a cruise virgin this is the most exciting and terrifying of tasks. Exciting because it means you are really doing it, your going on a cruise. Terrifying because you have absolutely no idea what to put in those big empty bags. We've all seen the Love Boat, the women must have taken at least 5 suitcases with them! From 7 swimsuits to 10 evening gowns, everything in between and all the accessories, plus make up and jewellery maybe 5 won't be enough! And what about the men? Suits and dress shirts, long pants and sports shirts, ties and t shirts. What if we forgot something? What about snorkel gear? Do we need towels? It was a nightmare!

I think I packed and unpacked 20 times before we eventually left home, it wasn't made any easier that hubby didn't know our real destination and I had to do it secretly. The shocked look on his face at the amount of luggage we had for a "weekend" was classic! Well we dragged those overstuffed bags full of useless items to the airport, where they got tagged as "Extra Heavy". Then they got dragged all the way from the hotel to the cruise terminal and to our cabin, where the poor cabin steward had to struggle to get them into the cabin. I think they were bigger than him! But you know what was worse? I wasn't satisfied with the 14 pair of shoes I took on a 10 day cruise, I had to buy another pair in Noumea!

Next: 4 Big Fish in a Sardine Can

HOW TO BOOK A CRUISE AND NOT KNOW IT!

You either love it or hate it, there's no in between.

I remember my first cruise. It wasn't my idea, in fact I was never going on one of those big boats! (my humble apologies to all nautical people for calling them boats, but in my defence I was a landlubber back then) What the hell was I going to do in the middle of the ocean? After all cruising was only for honeymooners or old people wasn't it? I was way past one and hadn't reached the other yet. But now I have to stand up in a group and say "My name is Shay and I'm a cruisaholic."

But I'm getting a bit ahead of myself, lets back up a couple of years, well a decade at least! I was on a road trip with my girlfriend, on our way back from Adelaide in South Australia travelling home to Bendigo in Victoria, roughly a 650k trip. Anyone who has travelled that road knows how long and hot the Mallee Highway can be, the road seems endless! Well we were somewhere between Tailem Bend and Pinnaroo when my girlfriend started talking about cruising, her and her husband had cruised aboard the old Fairstar. I listened for a bit, but to be honest I sort of zoned out. You know how it is? Whenever there is an expectant silence you say "Uh huh" or "Really?", well it seemed to work for the next 100k or so, she talked nothing but cruisespeak. She was happy and I was bored out of my mind.

But it got worse! She then started reading ads out of the newspaper for upcoming cruises, bloody hell I was almost at screaming stage! Who was this person who had replaced my friend? Maybe some alien being had invaded her body at the last fuel stop. Well now I totally tuned out. Who wanted to listen to someone talking about boats (apologies again) bobbing around the ocean like used wine corks in a dish of water?

That is until her voice finally penetrated my cotton wool brain with the words "All booked, we're going!" Err...what? Going where? When? I nearly flipped, she had booked a cruise for the following June for the 4 of us! What the hell? I was going to be stuck on a boat (apologies again) for 10 day's bored out of my skull! How wrong was I? But it was 5 months of dread mixed with anticipation before I finally found out the truth about cruising.

-Next "Fourteen pairs of shoes plus one".